Spoiled if an Only Child?

If you have only one child, are they destined to be spoiled? What does being spoiled look like, anyway? Is it the attitude of ungratefulness when the child is bought something expensive and then it is thrown on the floor of the closet never to be found again? Where does this come from? How can this be stopped if this child has a sibling? Would it mean that two children would have less stuff or more stuff because you have to buy for two? Is being spoiled having lots of stuff they don’t play with?

dictionary.com’s 3rd definition of spoiled is: to impair, damage, or harm the character or nature of (someone) byunwise treatment, excessive indulgence, etc.: to spoil a child by pampering him.

“Pampering?” So if you give your child a few things at their birthday and christmas and family and friends do as well, it might look like pampering because they have more than if they had siblings.
It may look like the parents of one child are able to purchase more things because they have only the one. Wouldn’t it be true that the items purchased for more than one child would cause the family to have even more stuff, because they need to buy for more kids, than the family of just one? Would those children be considered spoiled?
What if you buy a couple things at a fancier store? Would that child be considered spoiled?
Are spoiled children the more popular ones? Are the popular girls the ones with the most money? Do they have the most stuff or the fancier stuff?
Above is the dictionary definition of spoiled. What is the definition by society? People say a child is “spoiled rotten”. So if they get lots of stuff, they are bad kids?
I’m interested in your responses… what do you think?

Weight Loss Surgery

Today, Alex’s other mom is having weight loss surgery. Alex was very upset and has told her teachers what is going on and even told one of them “I’m going to cry all day.” She is nervous about her Baba having surgery. I have tried to console her and tell her it is going to be ok. Last night, she decided the way she was going to handle her feelings was to act out by not listening to me at all. She wouldn’t turn off the TV, she refused to help me decide what to have for dinner.

We crying facewill need to do things differently now. No more big dinner plans for the 3 of us, it will only be 2.

We will need to do things differently now.

– No more big dinner plans for the 3 of us, it will only be 2.

– No more going out for ice cream after dinner, and summer is coming.

– No more brunch for celebrations.

It is a hard lifestyle change for all of us because most things revolve around food. Most families first discussion of the night is “What are we going to have for dinner?”

For D, for the next few weeks will be plain chicken broth and pureed foods.

My family is Italian and if you know anything about Italian families, dinners are all about pasta, meatballs, sausage and full tables of desserts.  I’m sure this will be difficult for her.

For Alex, it will be hard because things will change from this day on. I think D is being very brave in wanting to be healthy so she can stay around with us, her family, for as long as possible. I know she has struggled for a long time with her weight and this is a big step in the right direction.


Are Jesus and the Easter Bunny best pals?

Being it is Holy Week, I found it appropriate to write on the topic of Easter. Easter is a Christian holiday of the horrible betrayal, death and incredible resurrection of Jesus. This holiday is literally the main reason people are Christians. It is the “Good News”.

Bunnies in pewSo, what does the Easter Bunny, loads of candy and chocolate, and the hide and seek of colored eggs have to do with Easter? Actually, nothing.

According to Time.com, the Easter bunny came from a pagan tradition from Germany of a festival of Eostre – a goddess of fertility whose animal symbol was a bunny. The rabbit symbol of this goddess would make sense due to their “energetic breeding”.  The eggs we use in Easter celebrations represent new life which could be associated with the new life of Jesus during his resurrection. Still, rabbits don’t lay eggs.

What are we supposed to tell our children? If we do tell them of the Easter bunny and give them gifts and chocolate, when do we give them the real meaning of the celebration? If you go to church at any denomination, the story there will not have anything to do with bunnies. Do we tell another “white lie” along with the existence of Santa, and the tooth fairy to save face because everyone else does it?  Yes, I did. Didn’t you?

If you think about it, the story of the Easter bunny is a bit easier to handle for children than the violent death of Jesus in the bible. Yes, he rose from the dead but I can imagine that could be quite scary to hear. Kids are smart, they see the Easter candy and bunnies in the stores and then they get a different story in Sunday school and they will know there is a problem there. I give lots of credit to the church’s Christian education programs. They have to explain the story of Jesus’ death and resurrection in the face of the pagan contradiction they hear outside of the church walls. I wonder what the kids think of the two different stories they need to put together in their minds?

Here is the thoughts from one 3-year-old girl in Scotland: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Xgk6g-ovj

(copy and paste into the browser to see the Youtube video)








It is a busy weekend in the celebration of Easter this year. We are traveling to Maine and we are having a traditional Easter dinner a day early because family from other parts of the country will be visiting as well.




So they won’t judge

I’m a little disturbed but I understand why you decided you only wanted Baba to go in. “So they wouldn’t judge.”

Alex has two moms and before her friend was allowed to meet up with her outside of school, the parents insisted she needs to meet Alex’s parents. Well, we are going out to the mall today and taking her friend. We went to pick her up and Alex only wanted her other mom to go in the house so they wouldn’t judge her having two moms.opinion

Turns out the mother was fine with it when D mentioned it. You never know, though. Some people might have a problem and I don’t want Alex to ever have to see that.

DARE Graduation

All 5th graders in middle school in our town participate in the DARE program. Drug, Alcohol Resistance Education. Today was the graduation. I learned that this program is more than drugs and alcohol, although included. It also teaches the kids how to deal with bullying of themselves or of a classmate. It is daring to be a friend of those who are different. It is daring to stand up to those who may be more popular or more stylish or have more money. They may use this to step on others who have less or are different than themselves. dareThis program is supported by the police department, the city council, the school committee, the civic organizations like the Lions Club and even the YMCA. The program is about being a better person and knowing substances can affect your body more than any peer will tell you when they are trying to pressure you into smoking or drinking or trying that drug, just that one time. The education helps to support what parents teach their kids about the same substances. I went to the graduation today to see what it is all about. The kids even sang the parents a song that made us believe they know they should not take drugs or give in to peer pressure.

I hope they really heard this message and understand what is means! I want her to make the right choices and stay smart with her body.

I don’t want to go to Bed

Alex says to me as I walked up to say good night, “I don’t want to go to bed, it gives me less time with you.” Sounds cute, right? It is except she doesn’t want to read or watch what we want to watch. She wants to be in the same room while she is watching YouTube videos or playing Pokemon Go or watching one of her cooking shows. She doesn’t really want to spend time with us, she wants to spend more time with a screen in front of her face.

Sometimes, well, a lot of times, I regret giving her the phone.

It is a necessity when she needs to get home from school or to contact her about where she is going but it is hard to give her that responsibility.


Just Keep Singing

Today, I came home from work and we went to dinner and Alex just couldn’t stop singing. A Christmas song we sing in church kept coming from her lips. I wanted to tell her to stop because I didn’t want to hear Christmas music in January.

“Oh come let us adore him, Oh come let us adore him, Christ is the Lord”

music-notesOver and over, just that one line is all she remembers.

We came in the house after we went out to the store to get her a new folder and she sang it again and I was getting a little sick of it.

I said, “What’s wrong with you?”

There is nothing wrong with her, she is only singing and I hope she doesn’t stop.

Sing whatever you want, when you want. Just keep singing, just keep singing Alex.

Sing from your heart. 🙂

Today, Forever

“I don’t want to grow up, things are too scary”

” I want today to stay today, forever.”

She said these two statements tonight as she got out of the shower. I looked at her and we talked about how it is important to wash all parts of your body.

“Did you wash your armpits? I asked as I held her arm up to inspect.

“You will have to be shaving soon.”

She wants to stay a child. I agree. I know there will be some hard times coming up as she gets older as a teen. Not only body changes but emotions and harder education. She will be harder on herself than we ever were on her. She will see how life gets hard and there are things every dmexican-alexay we have to do as adults.

Tonight, we had Mexican food and for a while now, just as dinner is ready, she runs up the stairs and changes into her “Mexican outfit”.  She wants to be authenticly Mexican like a child. Tonight, we even played Mexican mariachi music. She loves all events, traditions and she lives and plays hard – for each moment.

She loves to play music as she takes a shower and dance in front of the mirror.

She loves to hold her blanket and bear as she watches a movie on the couch. She loves our traditions. She does everything to the fullest and does it like a child.

We should all strive to live our lives like this. Take on everything wholeheartedly, no hesitation and no regrets!

(No offense to those who think this talk of what she believes is authentically Mexican is inappropriate)


Christmas 2016

Do our kids know what the real meaning of Christmas is? Do they only think it is about the presents?

Even though I know our daughter is involved in our church’s youth group and has been taught the Christmas story several years in a row. She also can tell us what happened but does she know what it means?

Christmas was a little different this year. We did things just a little bit differently. On Christmas Eve we went to our church’s service and Alex lit the candles and she put them out at the end with one of the older girls. In previous years, scat-ears-headphoneshe has sat through the service with us. I wonder if she understands this significance?

We started a new tradition after the service. Usually, I try to stay traditional and only open presents on Christmas morning but this year I bought new pajamas for my family to be opened on Christmas Eve.  Nice warm pajamas on a chilly night. Does she understand there are many people who can’t get warm at Christmas?

All season, I had a hard time feeling the spirit of Christmas, especially after the election and the violence and inappropriate things that came afterward (and continue).

For my child, I had to focus on what is important and the true meaning of Christmas. The birth of Jesus and doing good things for others. This is what the spirit of Christmas is. I am worried about what 2017 will bring with this new president. People have been removed from their jobs for smaller offenses than this president-elect has already done, but I digress.

I wanted to make my child happy but also want to show her what it means to treat others the way you want to be treated. It is sometimes hard to show her the troubles some have when they don’t have enough to eat or to not have a warm home when she is quite privileged in those areas. We give to the less fortunate but I’m not sure she understands what it means to others.

“I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day”

I am so proud of Alex today and how she danced and helped the smaller kids remember the steps and moves in the dance. I wish I could have seen her dancing but I was playing the bells and singing in the loft in the back of the church so I could barely see the dancers.img_2243   I was so glad to have my spouse in the sanctuary taking pictures for me. Continue reading ““I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day””